


I See You in Marigold

by eatyournightlock



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Gen, I have soft spot for leaders in general, Jisung-centered, Let’s pretend their dorm have balcony, Light Angst, OT11 - Freeform, That brotherhood fic no one asked for, The last piece is set some time in their second year, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatyournightlock/pseuds/eatyournightlock
Summary: Because Yoon Jisung always worry a little too much





	1. Morning Primrose

_1_.

  
Jisung sees Daehwi in pink and fluttering things, have seen him behind stacks of block notes paper and extensive choice of aegyos, being entirely confident in his element and that's how he wants to always remember him.  
So when he finds Daehwi hiding under the blanket that evening (as it is times to eat dinner together with his brothers, on those rare occasions when all eleven of them do not have either same or separate schedule), finds the faint tear track on Daehwi's thin cheek, he's flustered. Though not unbearably so.  
"Do you feel like telling me what happened?" Jisung asks, carefully, patting Daehwi's mussed hair.  
Daehwi draws a shaky breath for a second before blinks another quiet tear away.  
The unsurety is apparent. Daehwi is thinking if it's worth telling and Jisung softens just like that.  
_It is_ , he tells the younger by squeezing his hand.  
"I just..." Daehwi starts, voice hoarse "I know I'm ugly, hyung. But do they have to go length and yell it on my face?"  
"Is this about those akgaes?" It's a rhetorical question, but Jisung just wants to spell it out there.  
Daehwi doesn't answer, Jisung watches his finger fiddles.  
It's not like the first time this happens. And Jisung doesn't want to tell Daehwi it's nothing and he doesn't have to give a shit like he always does.  
Because Jisung sees how strong Daehwi is.  
(Because Jisung sees how vulnerable Daehwi _sometimes_ is. Away from stage lights and shutters of camera.)  
He's a young kid, still.

  
(Because Jisung also has his shares of malicious comment, has heard so many times that he isn't good looking, just isn't good enough at anything at all.)

"Do you think I'm ugly?" Jisung asks Daehwi.  
"Huh, No." Daehwi looks almost scandalized "You're really handsome, hyung. You have a really sharp nose."  
"Well," Jisung shrugs "Sometimes I think I'm ugly, when I woke up with bloated face. Sometimes I also think I'm good looking, like when we're done getting our makeup. But, sometimes I don't think about my appearances at all. I think about how satisfied I am about that one performance. I think about how incredible Jaehwan is at singing. I think about how uselessly good Minhyun is at cleaning. I think about how pretty Jinyoung's voice color is."

  
Jisung sighs as he sees Daehwi's looking at him solemnly before he continues.  
"And I think about how you brave you are, taking every criticism in from the start and keep going. I don't want to say it doesn't matter, because it matters, sometimes. But it matters more that you are such a good kid, and a good composer at the age of seventeen."  
Then Jisung smiles, wishes "You are a lot more than how you look, Lee Daehwi. Don't let it define you."  
When Daehwi offers back a smile with a last remaining tears trapped in his eyelashes, Jisung feels he finally can breathe a little bit easier.  
*

_2._

  
Jisung doesn't know what he expect in a dawn following a day off and sees Guanlin still stays up with Korean Vocabulary and Grammar book open at the dining table.  
"Hard at work?" He asks as he walks to the fridge.  
Guanlin is startled for a second, before smiling a little as he sees the leader "Yeah."  
Jisung watches Guanlin fumbles with his pen and notebook for a while before he turns to open the fridge and contemplates.  
He was planning to have beer with chicken leftovers from dinner, but then he glances back to Guanlin and decides to retrieve a carton of milk instead.  
It takes a few minutes to warm the milk and he puts two mugs of it on the table. One for him, one for the maknae.  
Guanlin looks up, his eyes crinkles "Thanks, hyung."  
Jisung gestures that it's nothing.  
"Ah, hyung." Guanlin seems to remember something as he shows Jisung his book “What is this word?"  
"Ah, _ilbanhwahada_. Generalize. It's like when you judge something just based on a particular case when it's not."  
Guanlin lets out a soft _Oh_ before writing it down carefully.  
Jisung smiles when he sees how Guanlin interprets his explanation with little drawings and keywords.  
"Why are you not resting?" He decides to ask his other maknae “Tomorrow's a day off."  
"That's why I can do it tonight.” Guanlin answers earnestly “If it’s not, I’ll just sleep like a bear like any other day.”  
Jisung laughs a little before saying “But your korean has improved so much, really." He praises him, in the easy way.  
"Ah, It's not, hyung." Guanlin shakes his head, looking somewhat embarassed "I still have a long way to go."

Jisung hums, shaking his head back "You've worked hard."  
When Guanlin gives him his gummy grin, Jisung wonders how big this kid will become.

*

  
_3._

  
Jisung really likes Jinyoung's smile. It lights up his whole tiny face and makes him look less like he’s carrying the sin of the world by himself.  
Because if Jisung squints, he thinks he can still see the old Jinyoung.  
The scaredy, hesitant Bae Jinyoung who can only look down, mainly not because of gravitational pull.  
Bae Jinyoung who thinks he’s not good enough and will never be. Although he earns his spot in the group rightfully.

Jinyoung is still not the easiest to open up to them, still hides behind a shy smile before carefully slipping out if he’s about to be left alone with the rambunctious hyung line alone.  
(Maybe apart from Minhyun, whom Jinyoung has exceptionally taken a liking to.)

So Jisung is honestly glad that the kid has found a bestfriend in Lee Daehwi.  
(He sees how Jinyoung looks at the other kid like he’s the apple to his eye.)  
Daehwi and Jinyoung makes the black and white of the yin and yang. Makes the A and the Z in the alphabets.  
Daehwi is such an excited ball of energy and other than the Brand New Boys, only Jinyoung can balance him out.  
And Jinyoung can be so reserved at times, that only Daehwi can bring out the silliest side of him.

And for someone as young as him, Jisung would really like it if Jinyoung would keep looking at the world with squared shoulder without trying to hide himself again.  
For now, Jisung watches as Jinyoung laughs out loud and literally rolling on the floor with Jihoon and Daehwi because of the video games they play together, he thinks the kid’ll manage.

*

  
_4._

  
There’s so much more to Park Jihoon than his beauty and popular catchphrases.  
Jisung’s actually surprised to see it when they moved to the dorm together for the first time.  
They have never been grouped together on the audition show, and like anyone else who just watched Jihoon from afar, the kid looks like just another pretty face.  
But, he’s lot stronger than people think. (And it’s actually doesn’t help that sometimes people don’t see—don’t _want_ to see—that side of him.)  
And maybe because he’s been in the industry longer than anyone else in the group—even longer than Minhyun and Sungwoon, although he never speak of it so much—Jihoon is very mature and it makes him a good listener.  
Jisung can see how he takes care especially well of Guanlin and how Guanlin adores Jihoon like he’s his own mother hen.  
In fact, everyone in the group adores Jihoon because it’s hard not to.

The kid’s a hard-worker and he doesn’t think twice to learn more about rap and dance from Woojin or Daniel, or to ask Jaehwan and Minhyun about how to sing more smoothly.  
He has been working so much he seems like he forget how to be a _real_ nineteen year old.

So when Jihoon approaches him carefully that night, rambling about the friends from high school and the ones he’s made at his SATs, and how they want to try the new cake café near Han river tonight and how he can’t go because of tomorrow’s packed schedule and the management rule—  
Jisung hurriedly leaves to his room.

They are not allowed to have cash on them, but Jisung has few bills rolled up inside his washed socks for emergency.  
And this calls for one.

Jihoon still looks stunned where Jisung left him, maybe thinking Jisung were mad at him because he’s about to serve Jisung’s ass in the silver plate to the higher-ups for breaking the rules.  
But,

“Go and have fun,” Jisung whispers, stuffing the bill into Jihoon’s hand, the _I’ll cover for you_ goes unsaid. “Wear a cap and a hoodie, but maybe the black one, no neon colors.”  
Jisung spasms a smile before he looks at the bill in his hand and whispers a “Thank you, hyung.” Before adding a “I’ll buy you the lemon tart.” as he looks back at his leader.  
Jisung only smiles “Go.”

*

  
_5._

  
Eyes, as people like to say, can reveal so much about someone.  
But Park Woojin rarely wears his heart on his sleeves, let alone on his eyes.  
Although Yoon Jisung has seen them.  
It’s not much than a flicker, but he notices the change in Woojin’s eyes in particular situations. Like when he feels small, in that hidden room of their second round, or when he feels steady, in behind all the shingles and the eye patch on the stage of the concept evaluation.

Woojin’s a genius at what he’s doing and he, sometimes, doesn’t even know it. Because he doubts himself the most than anyone else.  
So, Jisung notes to himself to praise Woojin for the smallest thing at least once every two days. To let him know that he’s precious and Jisung is really proud to know him.  
(“Thank you for helping me with dishes, Woojin-ah. You’re such a good kid.”  
“Why is your rap tone so good? I wish I can rap, too.”  
“That’s why you, _our_ Woojin.”)  
And that feeling, when he gets an open, revealing snaggle-toothed grin, is worth everything.


	2. And Midnight Honeysuckle

_6._

  
Jisung believes it’s a blessing in disguise. When Daniel finally breaks down because of his flu, and has to be given an IV in the dorm, _and_ the company finally, finally decides to cancel Daniel’s schedule for two days.  
God knows the boy has like a hundred more personal schedule on top of their group ones and Jisung honestly wonders how he’s holding up all this time.  
(And guess the kid has to properly collapse before the company understand the decency of not working people like a machine, huh. Jisung thought bitterly, keeping it to himself as he watched Daniel winced when the visiting paramedic inserted the needle to his wrist.)

"Niel-ah," Jisung calls from the his bed that midnight, blinking awake from his drowsiness just to notice there’s a flicker of light from the top bunk and he realizes what Daniel’s up to “Stop reading webtoon and go to sleep."  
“Alright, hyung,” Daniel answers with a sniffle and then the light goes off.

Jisung tries to go to back to sleep despite all the rustles, when he hears a quiet following creak of the door, from which Daniel tries to go out unnoticed but he obviously fails.

Jisung draws a deep, long breath before he pushes himself to sit on his bed and yawn, ready to hunt a lost puppy.  
(And being careful not to make much noise himself because Seungwoo’s already asleep.)

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”  
Jisung asks exasperatedly as he sits beside the younger on the couch, finding he’s still reading his webtoon.  
“I’ve been sleeping for ten hours, my head’s pounding now.” The boy sniffles again, turning to Jisung.  
“Fair enough.” Jisung shrugs “But you still need rest.”

Daniel pouts a little. And Jisung tries not to coo at him because he knows Daniel doesn’t really like being called cute.

“Anyway,” Daniel suddenly sounds excited, putting away his iPad on the other side of the couch “I keep having these dreams, hyung. I guess it’s all the drugs or the manhwas. But you know how day dreams tend to be weirder that what you have at night.”  
“Tell me about that.”

  
“—and Jinwoo hyung and Jaehan hyung wear those big mexican hats and start serenading with gayageum.” Daniel giggles, which makes Jisung laughs too before he tries to shush both of them. Not to disturb the other members.  
But Daniel is really hard to stop when he starts laughing.

When they do stop tho, there’s a comfortable silence in the room.  
“Sometimes,” Daniel starts, sighing “It’s not like I’m not grateful for everything, it’s just.. I miss those simpler days, with the other hyungs too.”  
“I know.”  
“Especially, Woongie hyung.”  
“Ah. Choi Taewoong.” A fond smile appears on Jisung’s lips as he shakes his head “We all miss him and your monthly competition of eating ramyun with him.”  
“And how you scold us every single time.” Daniel grins.  
Jisung squints at that, getting serious “I might’ve been cohabiting with fruit flies but I know how to eat healthy. Driver restaurant won’t cost much than five packs of cup ramyun and it’s far better.”

Daniel laughs again at Jisung’s familiar choice of scolding.  
Before that laughter dies down into something else and Daniel looks at him like he’s searching for something, something to keep him anchored.

“It’s funny, huh?” Jisung offers “How I tell you the exact same thing but we’re on completely different situation now.”  
Daniel nods quietly, Jisung continues.  
“It’s crazy how everything changes just in three months.”

“I..,” Daniel starts, seems at lost for words and Jisung gives him a supporting nod.  
“I think I receive so much more love more than I deserve and _I’m terrified_ ,” Daniel finally says to him, and the kid’s honestly trembling “What should I do with them, hyung? What if I hold on to them too tight that they break? What if I try to keep them at arm length but I lose them?”  
“Just be who you are, Niel-ah.” Jisung pats Daniel’s hair, the thing he always does ever since the old times “They love for who you are. And they always will, as long as you stay true to yourself.”  
*

_7._

  
Contrary to popular opinion, Jisung likes Jaehwan's laugh.  
It might be loud and annoying. But it's Jaehwan.  
And there’s nothing that can make him happier other than to know that Jaehwan’s happy.

"I've been through this once, hyung." Jaehwan says suddenly, that night when he comes to Jisung hotel room to consult about the fan song, after he’s sure all the cameras are off “Remember shadow singer?"  
Jisung nods as Jaehwan starts to look down and scribbles his notes with unidentified words.  
“My parents were the happiest I’ve seen them.” Jaehwan continues “Tho, it now has changed to when I made it into Wanna One. But that’s not the point—  
“We’ve been sleeping in the same room for years now. My mom, my dad and me. Because we can’t afford more rooms for our house. I know they’ll never ask for anything. But they have sacrificed so much for me eventhough I’m a grown-up man because I can’t stand for myself. Chasing these dreams. I don’t want to fail them again.” Jaehwan laughs, bitterly, uncharacteristically and Jisung’s heart clenches.  
“You won’t.” Jisung says.

Jisung has heard one too many times of how hard it to restart. They have the other two in the group who are facing the same thing. And plenty others on the show.  
But unlike Minhyun and Sungwoon, who at least have brothers in arm to share the painful failure with, Jaehwan had been all alone.

Jisung watches Jaehwan strums his guitar absentmindedly when the younger finally blurts out the question he’s been most afraid to hear.  
“What if I go through that once again, hyung?” _After this, after Wanna One_. Jaehwan doesn’t say it aloud, but Jisung can hear it all the same.

“You won’t.” Jisung says again, like a broken record.  
And Jisung will pray everyday, from today onwards, to every Gods he’s heard of, so that it fuckin’ won’t. Because Kim Jaehwan deserves all the happiness in the world and more.  
*

_8._

  
There’s some kind of ache that occurs to him everytime he sees Seungwoo.  
Everyone can obviously see the handsome joker, the fool Ong Seungwoo.  
But there’s time when he notices Seungwoo’s smile seems really sad. Mostly when he’s alone.

(“I like to make people laugh.” He once said, in one of Produce 101 interview.)

And Jisung wonders if Seungwoo ever laughs for himself. Or if someone has gone out of their way to make Seungwoo laugh, like Seungwoo does for others.

People expects Seungwoo to always be a happy, bumbling idiot.  
So Jisung is seriously, honest-to-God, scared beyond himself when he sees Seungwoo doubles-over in pain on the stage.  
But unfortunately, before he has the chance to ask or take care of him, Seungwoo’s already back to his _five year old kid with too much sugar_ -self.  
And Jisung can’t do anything. But he does know, that laughing _that_ much is probably unhealthy.

So, the first thing he does when they’re done with the performance and get back to backstage is to look for the guy.

“Seungwoo-ah,” He finds Seungwoo in the dark aisle, away from the changing room, where the boy seeming to attempt to hide his condition from the other.  
And it hurts him to see Seungwoo still offers him a grin, pretending to be okay when he looks up at him.  
“Seungwoo-ah,” he calls again, pleads “You can tell me if you’re not alright. You don’t have to be happy and well everytime.”  
Ong Seungwoo’s smile falters as he bites his lips and stares at Jisung with with a lost look in his eyes and finally breaks down in pain in front of him for the first time.  
“It aches so much, hyung. Everything. I thought I’m going to die—“  
*

_9._

  
He’s in the middle of dragging his tired self to the kitchen to grab water, when he hears the muffled voice and he immediately sobers up.  
"—should go to sleep. You have filming tomorrow." It’s Minhyun, speaking to the phone.  
He catches the sight of Jisung and gives him an acknowledging nod, before he goes back to end his conversation “Yeah, take care. Bye.”

"Jonghyun?" Jisung asks immediately after Minhyun’s done.  
The guy nods and smiles as he put Manager hyung's phone on the table. It’s his turn this weekend to use it for a while.  
Jisung pulls the chair beside Minhyun and sits down, offers his bottle he got from the fridge for the younger.  
"How are they doing?" Jisung asks.  
"Good." Minhyun says "Busy. It's really... good."  
Jisung eyes softens “You must've missed them a lot."  
Minhyun doesn’t answer, but his sad, wary smile says plenty.

Jisung sighs at that "Stop doing that."  
"What?"  
"Being so scared to talk about Nu'est with us." Jisung shakes his head "You're not hurting anyone by admitting you miss them. They're your members, first and foremost. You've been with them together through thick and thin for 6 years.  
"You're not setting Wanna One aside just because you love Nu'est just as much."  
Jisung emphasizes this when Minhyun looks at him with big, twinkling eyes.  
"You're not dividing your heart, Hwang Minhyun. It just gets bigger."  
*

_10._

  
Jisung is grateful for so many things about Sungwoon.  
The first one being Sungwoon’s presence, although that much is obvious.  
Being the oldest is hard and Sungwoon is so much more experienced in this than him. Being in a group and how to take care of the others.  
Then, Jisung is grateful for Sungwoon’s constant loudness and cheerfulness, for Sungwoon’s luggage that is practically a convenience store, but mostly for a night like this when he finds Sungwoon reads a self-improvement book at the living room with his glasses on.  
“Can’t sleep?” Jisung asks, plops down beside the younger.  
“I think it’s the coffee,” Sungwoon says, and rubs his eyes under his glasses.  
“I meant to ask you in the afternoon,” Jisung says, just remembering “Why do you think the producer said Jinyoungie better retake his part tomorrow? I mean he’s in a pretty good condition and he’s conveying the lyrics right and he asks Jinyoung to think again about the song. The kid can barely sleep—“  
Sungwoon shares his opinion with certain confidence from years of activities under his belt.

If there’s a thing that Jisung at the same time admires and worries about Sungwoon is that he’s painfully honest to himself.  
He likes to toss his tempers around—like a real big brother would—and he knows clearly he’s talented.  
Sungwoon doesn’t take shit from anyone and can be unapologetic at times.  
On one hand, Jisung wants to learn from him.  
On the other, he’s a little afraid it’ll bite back Sungwoon in the ass one day. Because people likes to condemn anyone bolder than them.

But Jisung knows his friend, he’ll carry on.  
As always.  
*

_11._

  
Jisung sighs as he watches the rainfall on the first night of monsoon season, the glass sliding door leading to the balcony rattles as the downpour gets even heavier.  
It’s a storm both outside and inside his head.  
But there’s too much thoughts swirling in his head that he ends up not thinking at all.

It’s dark in the living room, save for the light from the balcony yellow lighting. So how Daniel finds him and plops down to sit on the floor beside him is beyond the older.  
Daniel’s head, when it falls on his shoulder, is a comforting weight. And Jisung’s thankful for that.

(It’s hard tending ten kids. And he doesn’t want to play favorite, but he kinda _did_ raise Daniel. So any kind of intrusion from the big puppy will always be a welcome distraction.)

But Daniel doesn’t distract him. In fact, the guy doesn’t talk at all.  
But when he rubs his face on Jisung arm for few seconds to let the older know he’s there, Jisung hums in response.

(Because Daniel knows, he heard that “ _You’re the leader, how can you have rumour about you more than anyone else in the group?!_ ” early in the noon;

And Daniel wanted to barge in and scream back to the man. _No one_ hurt his hyung like that.  
But Seungwoo, bless his soul, came at the right time to tap at his shoulder and melted his anger for a second as Daniel found him, before he heard the next yell and Seungwoo had to drag him away from eavesdropping before he could really break in;

“He’s too kind he keeps getting hurt by other people!” Daniel said this with gritted teeth, aloud in the deafening silence of emergency stairs.  
“I know.” Seungwoo couldn’t say anything else. They’ve talked about this so often.  
“Seriously, hyung.” Daniel sighed, rubbing his face “I don’t want to see him like that.”  
“I know,” Seungwoo said, in deep contemplation “I know.”;

And Daniel knows all Jisung needs now, at times like this, is for him just to be there.

For that matter or worse.)

 _And here's his son’s bestfriend_. Jisung notes absentmindedly when Seungwoo comes out from their shared bedroom, holding a stuffed toy and looking at them with tilted heads before joining in, sticking to Daniel’s other side without words.

It’s silent for a few minutes, before Seungwoo finally asks, in a daze “Why are we even here?"  
Daniel shrugs sleepily.  
Seungwoo accepts and goes along with it.

  
"Are we having another impromptu meeting?” Sungwoon asks on his way back from the bathroom not long after that, rubbing his eyes, blonde hair a mess of bird nest “Because I'll pretend I'm sleepwalking if y‘all are."

No one answers.  
But the second oldest decides to shrug to himself and takes his place on Jisung’s other side, leaning in, humming a calming made-up tune for them.

Then, it’s kind of a blur of how the rest seven also come to lengthen the weird sleepy train.

(Minhyun was just being Minhyun, Jisung guesses. The one with the sixth sense. And he’s dragging Jaehwan with him when he knew the first four were out of their bed for no apparent reason.

Woojin and Jihoon, in their pink sausage sleeping wear, were also in the need to go to the bathroom when Woojin found and frowned at what the hyung line’s doing but decided to join in nonetheless.

Jinyoung, blanking out, came out from his room for a second before he went in again, but then back again with Daehwi and Guanlin in tow.)

It’s a tangled mess of bodies and blankets (as someone, whoever he is, had the sense to get bunch of them from their rooms.)  
There’s more of them who’re lying down than sitting. Jaehwan is in the middle of dozing off with his head on Daehwi’s lap, while Jinyoung yawns widely with Minhyun patting his head, and Jisung suddenly feels warm.

He remembers those late nights when they’re not too tired, gathered in the big room and Seungwoo’s insisting to tell them horror stories.  
And he smiles a little at this particular recollection.

(Daniel sees it from the reflection, relieved. And he decides to hold on to his favorite hyung a little bit tighter.)

Jisung watches the water droplets on the glass door, watches his kids’ blurry faces, and he realizes this is probably the first and the last monsoon they’ll ever experience as this group of eleven together.  
And he knows, he’s already missing this moment, this second, right here.

Jisung blinks.

“What will we do," he asks, not without trepidation "when the time comes?"

There’s a collective hold of breath.

Before Guanlin, that sweet boy, asks in his adorable-accented korean, popping the bubble “What will we do without you, hyung?"

Jisung shakes his head slowly “What will I do, without you guys?”

Because he, without them, just won’t do.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Marigold holds a lot of meaning (including _Cruelty and coldness due to jealousy_ ), but here’s the ones that relate to this piece:  
> * Despair and grief over the loss of love  
> * The beauty and warmth of the rising sun  
> * Winning the affections of someone through hard work  
> * Creativity and the drive to succeed  
> * Sacred offerings to the Gods  
> * Promoting cheer and good relations in a relationship
> 
> While Primrose represents youth, and Honeysuckle, brotherly affection.
> 
> From flowermeaning.com
> 
>  
> 
> And I just love everyone in Wanna One and Produce 101. I hope all the kids will be happy, and safe, and well-fed, and living all their dreams and wishes.


End file.
